and so it's time...

i have three weekends left at home (sorry jade, talking about leaving's becoming inevitable)... and it seems so short. i always thought i'd be so glad when this time came. and in many ways i am. no more 4:30 a.m. papers... no more demerits... no more mondays... no more high school drama... no more long 3rd quarters... no more little breakdowns over ridiculous work and stress loads, but with each of those comes something that i'll miss: no more 4:30 a.m. summer sizzle tp raids... no more class parties in revolt of anything and everything to do with authority (thanks, bernards!)... no more week long school trips... no more moments with my 17 brothers and sisters i've come to feel so incredibly comfortable and loved around... no more basketball and football games where everyone simply goes to socialize (and no more wonderful volleyball games... i love you, coach!)... and no more hours with mrs. congdon crying and talking and laughing and doing singing valentines.
i guess i'm ready... i told mrs. congdon i feel like i'm the end of an era, stuck in between two different generations. britt said it's good that God let me know it's time to leave. i mean, when people no longer want in n' out burger shirts, no longer go to cornerstone games, no longer remember when the madrigals were something to take pride in (many years ago), no longer remember the "legendary families" (that was a rude awakening for me... it was so... obvious when i was young), no longer care what our fine arts are like, and are starting to wonder what the big deal about mr. schneider is... yes... it's high time that i leave... these apparently small differences really have shaped my crowd for a long time. lol. that probably made no sense. if you've no idea what i'm talking about, then i suppose i've proved my point. haha! if you do know, then i suppose you're either in college or out of it already, or you're one of the ones that still manages to make me feel like i'm not quite as old as the rest of the school implies.
anyways, i love my new roommate from iowa! i'm so excited. she's wonderful and the three of us are going to get along absolutely wonderfully! i'm sorry the rest of this entry has been so... sullen. it's just, well, you know, things just hit you sometimes. oh yeah... i have strep again, but at least i caught it a little earlier this time... when i couldn't swallow i thought i'd better go to the doctor. lol. our exchange student named Joelle is absolutely wonderful, speaks english wonderfully, and is the sweetest and cutest girl ever!
last sad note of the night... i'm afraid my dictator and i have slowly drifted apart. and his girl... she i have not talked to in, oh, over a month. how easily the strong ties of friendship come undone when you forget to double-knot them. haha! it really does make me sad though. i knew it would come, so it's not so bad. i just wish it didn't have to is all. but wishes are only dreams that rest on nothing but a prayer...

one of my friend's from winchester suffered a terrible loss yesterday. his brother died on a motorcycle. the cruel thing about it is that his brother was on a motorcycle practicing because that's what he had to ride in Brazil where he was gonna train to be a missionary, and he'd just graduated college, and he loved God and loved people and he was a great guy. it's something that i'll never be able to understand, but i can only trust that it'll work out for good. poor alex... i'll never be able to understand why God would take Nathan when he was a shining beacon for Christ, but i suppose it was Nathan's reward. lol. i cried off and on yesterday... mostly for alex. i can't imagine. to lose your best friend and brother all at once in a collision with a semi. at least it was instantaneous. but wow... what can you do? there's just no way to understand it... no way to get over it... no way to get your mind off it. he was doing something for Christ and got killed in the process. what can you do with that? i know i'd be doubting right now...